Skipped a few

I haven’t been blogging consistently because of my new job but I want to get back on track. Christmas was good sad my dad wasn’t here. Miss him

I started a new job and I have my own office. Ironic thing is I used to be homeless and high in the parking lot of my new job. It’s crazy to see how far I’ve come.

Spent more time with my mom even though she annoys me sometimes, she’s not that hard to deal with and I like that we are being friends.

Pushing Through

I find myself pushing through and loving my husband more and enjoying his company. I almost can not believe I almost 2 years sober but I am. I did a meeting this morning because I don’t want to forget why I don’t use.

Why don’t I use…because I will loose everything I have and end up homeless. Because it’s hurts my family and my kids. I do enjoy being a mom it’s just not all I want to be. Even though we have really been struggling this month but everyday sober is a good day for me. I miss my dad around the holidays. I miss spending Christmas with him.

Merry Christmas πŸŽ… πŸŽ„ ❀ to everyone I hope next year is better than this one.

Merry Heavenly Christmas Dad ❀

Positivity

I offically have a new job! Good News … I had to decide between food and christmas. Really the kids are little and the only money we had left this month was for food. Its gonna be ok because I have a new job and I am going to be able to provide finally. I hope and pray this for the better. I need some motivation I wish my dad was here to share this with me he would be so proud of me. He always wanted me to get a job outside the food buisness.

Mary and Marie

The beginning of this story Mary and Marie met in high school after Mary moved to Maries town when she was 13.

Mary’s mother was in prison and her step mother had just passed away. Mary’s dad was an alcoholic and Abusive when she was younger bur for now he just was never home. So Mary was always left to take care of her little brother.

Marie had lived in the same house her whole life with her mom, dad and brother. When her and Mary met Marie was having some trouble in life hanging out with the wrong people. But she was nice to Mary and Mary appreciated that and they immediately became best friends.

Mary had already lived such a hard life that when she saw how Marie lived she wanted so desperately to have a family like that. So she spent as much time at Marie’s house as she could.

To be continued…

Bipolar Disorder

I have bipolar sad severe depression and I used to mask it all with drugs but now my emotions are all to the surface since I’m coming up on my 2 years sober. It’s also been 2 years without my dad and even though it’s doesn’t bother me sometimes it bothers me most of the time. I really miss my daddyπŸ₯Ί. So I just start crying for no reason and my husband seems very concerned. Makes me love him more that he cares about my feelings and trys to help my daily life be better. I knew my anger towards him was just me and I love my husband more and more everyday πŸ’“

My dad and my oldest son April 2005

I love you daddy and I really miss you… I passed the tax course and I know you are so proud of me . REST IN HEAVEN I love you ❀πŸ₯ΊπŸ’œ

Depression Anxiety

I haven’t posted in a while because I have bipolar and my emotions have been all over the place. I passed the tax course and I will be working soon but it doesn’t help me right now today. I have no money. Seriously I have no money for food how the fuck am I suppose to buy Christmas presents for my kids. I really need a miracle and I don’t think it’s coming. My husband and I both are really upset and depressed it’s sad

I passed the test

So I am officially going to work for H&R Block and I couldn’t be more excited.. I’m still broke for Christmas so those feelings are the same!!

I hate Christmas

I really have hated Christmas forever. When I was a kid my mom was gone and my dad always spent all his money on beer. Now I can’t afford it and it just breaks my heart. I wanted to give my kids more than I had but I’ve only been sober 2 years.

Life Sucks

I have no money for Christmas. I am taking the tax exam tomorrow and I don’t think I am going to pass it. It seems like no matter what I do I fail. I am never gonna make it in life its so discouraging. Honestly this is why I use because I don’t know how to cope. How do I cope? I’m sober I don’t want to be a homeless addict I want people to know me for something good. I can’t even get my kids a Christmas I just don’t want to do this anymore I want to check out.

Christmas Wishlist

I started a wishlist for my kids just thought I’d try. No one has ever bought anything but it doesn’t hurt to try merry Christmas.

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2OQAQ7U0RBESD?ref_=wl_share

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