Depression

I am going to take the tax test on Thursday and my depression is just festering why why do I do this to myself

Mental health thought of the day

**if I was truly gone would anyone even notice**

And that’s on depression setting in

EVERYDAY

I try to post on my blog at least once a day. It’s like I think I’m gonna be this big influencer someday. When really I don’t even have the confidence to post a video about myself.

My poor son

My son asked me to show him a picture of his dad and without even thinking I showed him a picture of his dad with his other son. Boy do I feel like an idiot the look on his face was so sad. Why do guys have to be like that just because it didn’t work out with the mom you just forget about the kid. So wrong it should be illegal.

Abusive Football Player….

So I tell my husband about the Football Player and what he did to his baby momma and I have to tell you that you never know what goes on behind close doors. My husband’s comment was the video will never hold up in court because your not allowed to record “US” without “OUR” permission…🤔🤔

Then proceeded to tell me back when I was using I recorded the fights between us because no one believed me. But he told me just now that Zach’s baby momma was just putting on that act for the cameras and I did the same thing when I use to record him just to make him look bad

It’s the audacity for me and the whole relationship full of gaslighting and walking around on egg shells. Honestly I just about over it . 🤷

Bruh What is going on…

You know I want to help the fellow addict and give someone a chance but if I go deep out in a limb for you and buy you food and clothes I expect a thank you. Is that to much to ask just to not act so entitled like I owe it to you

That is all for now

I am such a procrastinator

What is wrong with me why can’t I just do the work. Why do I insist on doing everything thing else but what I really need to be doing like reading my chapters and doing the homework

Monday Morning Headache

I forgot to post yesterday I keep procrastinating my tax class

Why why do I do that I know I need to do it what is wrong with me

Have I reached the top

Hell no…and I don’t think that there is a top I think the possibilities are endless. I had a triggering moment this morning just thinking of the escape I used to feel when I was using. BUT REMEMBER ..that escape is only temporary and the aftermath is horrible. All the belongings I have now will be gone. I don’t have a lot of things left from my dad so that would be a real tragedy.

With that being said I plan to attend a meeting today nothing like complicity. I don’t need to alter my mind anymore than I have. The brain damage I have is astounding. Anyway good day to you all I’m going to a meeting.

I’m annoyed

I have my friend Matthew here who had a pet cat that him and my husband “forgot” to tell me about and it’s driving me crazy. Scratching it’s nails on my backpack and on the air mattress. Wtf I am so annoyed with the inconvenience.

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