You know I watched all these documentaries about R Kelly and I can’t help but think of my Abusive ex that didn’t want me to see my kids or talk to my mom. He would say horrible things to my daddy all the while talking to all these other girls. You know I told him when I met him that I didn’t want to be another one’s of his girls because I saw his Facebook with only girls on it and I knew that this was a pattern. Now I spoke to one girl he dated after me and cried with her when she told me how he had her homeless sleeping behind a building and she got arrested that’s how she got away.
Omg I could not stop thinking about that last day I was with him and he spit on me we were walking and arguing. I hadn’t eaten in days so I went inside the HEB and stole 2 cans of pork and beans and 2 plastic forks. When I came out with the food he told me that he doesn’t like beans. I just couldn’t believe him cause it had been days since we had eaten. So we laid down there on the ground next to the HEB and went to sleep in the broad daylight. When I woke up he was still asleep and had a picture of my best friend in his hand. Now I knew there was something going on with him but I didn’t care. You know I stood up covered in bite marks from laying on the ground I told him I’d be right back and I went and told my kids dad that I wanted to go to rehab. That was the last time I saw him. I had to get away I was loosing myself. I had nothing left but what I was wearing and that man stripped me of everything. I had a house job car and a nice phone when I met him.
Why do we stay with our abuser why does he have something we want. I can’t believe the things I’ve done and allowed to be done to me. People like R Kelly and my ex need to be locked up. So they can’t prey on girls anymore 😕
My brother is mad at me because my husband doesn’t want to take the kids trick or treating because of covid. We didn’t last year so its fine they are really small they won’t remember. So is that just me making excuses for my husband’s controlling behavior. I do not know how to deal with my husband and I wish it didn’t have to always be his way. I have a job now and I hope that I can change our lives because if I get told I can’t do this and don’t do that I’m gonna loose my fucking mind
He always right even when hes wrong. Their is not point arguing with him because even if you prove your right…he still thinks your the dumbass. Every decision that is made has to go through him. If you do anything that is out of the norm for him then your weird. There is no small talk conversation with him because he is just gonna take over the conversation and tell you how dumb you are. Or better yet he will gaslight you over and over and make you question your own thoughts. You have to walk on egg shells around him so he doesnt get mad. Make sure that the baby doesnt cry to much and he is not going to watch them so take them with you everywhere.
But he works right…he works all day so when he gets home I should of had everything clean and waiting for him. While he plays his game on his phone you will feed the kids, make dinner, clean up all the mess, do all the grocery shopping, bathe the kids, change diapers, make bottles, make sure to put gas in the car and buy him cigarettes because if you did not you will be getting up early in the moring to go to the store then. He cant be inconvienced by entering a store. Also, even though you have washed and folded all of his specific clothes and put them in his designated drawers. You will have to retrieve for him anyway because he cant be bothered with bending over and getting them hisself.
His mother said “well you need a father for your kids” guess thats good enough reason to keep him around. Imagine been the guy that only surrounds himself with people that he can control and every idea or anything he has something negative to say and acts like a child.
Momma’s sweet boy Kash is almost 5 and still does not communicate very well. I am homeschooling him this year and also I have gotten him a tutor to come twice a week that I have already paid up 3 months because of the generous people whom have already donated. Words cannot express how greatful our family is to everyone who has supported me through this tough time our family has been having these last 2 years. So posted and pinned to the top as requested and I will continue to update everyone as he progresses. When you think all is lost with people in the world there is always that handful of people who through their simple act of kindness help change a childs life.
All and any donations go straight to Kash his life is most important right now thanks to all whom have already donated!
Watching all this play out in the Gabby Petito case has me really reminissing on a relationship I used to have similar to that one. Not even 2 years ago… the pain and the manipulation is overwhelmimg. Then when you have the courage to say something no one believes you or “what did you do to make him treat you like that.?” Like no fucking way that is a thing. I have been around abuse my entire life and my real question is when does it stop? When is enough, enough. That guy Brian standing there saying that “she’s just crazy.” Right but leaving out the part he played in it.
This hits home for me almost every relationship I have been in has been like that. Even my father was like that. It just infuriates me honestly, how many times I tried to get out and how many times I was scared for my life. I can not even imagine the pain and fear she went through. Just makes me want to cry. I remember once my mom asked what happened to my leg and I lied and said I fell when really he had pushed me really hard and I almost broke my leg. But why am I covering for him? I can not explain my reasoning other than I was scared of him.
So I hope that what happened to Gabby is not in vain and I pray maybe someone who also is in an abusive relationship can have the courage to come forward. Also I pray that if and when they do come forward that they are heard. I spent the last year of my dad’s life caught up with this guy and I missed out on being with my dad. I can’t ever get that back.
I am full of tremendous grief. Honestly I dont know how I make it through some days. Almost 2 years sober I am more manic than ever my bipolar is really out of control. Some days, like yesterday I was so manic I couldn’t even eat. Then my jaw locks up and I cant even open my mouth. I think I just tend to be a negative person. I am trying real hard to find the positive in life, but I miss my daddy.
I have therapy today, but really I think I am bored of my therapist. I dont have anything new to talk about its all the same shit. I did get a job I am hoping that will help me feel better about my life and life choices.
Landslide by Stevie Nicks… my dad told me this song was about my life…
I took my love, I took it down Climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Mmm, mmm, mmm
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you But time makes you bolder Even children get older and I’m getting older too
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you But time makes you bolder Even children get older and I’m getting older too Oh, I’m getting older too
Awh, take my love, take it down Awh, climb a mountain and turn around And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well, the landslide bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well, the landslide bring it down Oh, the landslide bring it down
Busy today not really time to post. I am doing the custom keto diet. I will leave the link if anyone is interested. So fat I’ve enjoyed it and lost some weight so it’s working I guess. Having trouble with the husband plan to elaborate more about that tomorrow good night all!!
Here is the link for the custom keto diet I use if anyone is interested Click here