One Post A Day

I try to commit to one post a day. My dream is to be an influencer or have a nice supportive following, but I lack the confidence to pit myself out there.

Where are all the real people?? Everyone I know is or was an addict and I can not talk to those people anymore. I would give anything for just a normal friend. Where are these people that I’m always hearing about that you will meet when you change your life. Like who??? Where are they?? All I still see is the same people I’ve been trying to avoid

Migraines

I have the absolute worst head ache today. I’ve been trying to find my friend Matthew the cheapest way to get to Tennessee but I’m not getting a lot of luck. My house is a mess and I’ve got a lot of homework. But I will say this any of these problems is better than being a homeless addict in the streets. I’m never going back there

What have I done

My 17 year old son is very cocky and thinks he is better than everyone. He loves to do debate so anything I try to teach him or say turns into an argument. What did I do wrong here…I tried to give him a better life than I had but now it seems like the hardships I went through created the character that I have now. I told him that his attitude and malice is not flattering but he doesn’t seem to care what the hell have I done wrong

Little ones

I’m watching my son do his lesson and seeing all the hardwork and money sent by the people who care help him talk and learn is all worth it for me.

Even though I am not in the best state mentally I am trying hard not to be depressed and not to let my bipolar win. I’m working hard at the tax course even though last nights class was hard and I kinds didn’t understand. I am hoping that I will get it because our family really needs this.

Maybe I’ll do another post today idk yet I just wanted to use this page to gain a following and meet other people in the world that maybe share the same dreams or learning how to live life… feel free to reach out I need better people in my life .

My friend Matthew

I’m going today to pick up my friend who I changed his name for privacy reasons but anyway my friend Matthew is probably the most annoying person I ever met. His dad was 60 years old when he was born and his mom was and is an addict and has never been in his life. In the last 2 years his dad passed away and his mother only reached out to him in interest of money so he is not speaking to her now.

Anyway, he has a sis that lives a few states away and she is in her 50s while Matthew is only 22. The reason I am going to get him is because since his dad has died he really has been having a hard time surviving and using while he’s doing it. I feel for him so what possibly is going on in his mind with no parents and no one to care about them. So I to him if he would go stay with his sister I would help him get there.

Well my husband’s family was all making fun of him and not wanting to help him because like I said he is so annoying. I was just so upset that they were all just talking shit instead of helping him. I sure hope and pray that they are never in a position that they have to ask strangers that have no relationship to him for help. Shame on them and my husband was pretty upset with them too.

So moral of the story don’t be that person. The one who would rather make fun of someone than help them. I once was a homeless drug addict and I never would have never made it if people didn’t care about me and not give up on me.

Do better people…

#survivingRKelly

You know I watched all these documentaries about R Kelly and I can’t help but think of my Abusive ex that didn’t want me to see my kids or talk to my mom. He would say horrible things to my daddy all the while talking to all these other girls. You know I told him when I met him that I didn’t want to be another one’s of his girls because I saw his Facebook with only girls on it and I knew that this was a pattern. Now I spoke to one girl he dated after me and cried with her when she told me how he had her homeless sleeping behind a building and she got arrested that’s how she got away.

Omg I could not stop thinking about that last day I was with him and he spit on me we were walking and arguing. I hadn’t eaten in days so I went inside the HEB and stole 2 cans of pork and beans and 2 plastic forks. When I came out with the food he told me that he doesn’t like beans. I just couldn’t believe him cause it had been days since we had eaten. So we laid down there on the ground next to the HEB and went to sleep in the broad daylight. When I woke up he was still asleep and had a picture of my best friend in his hand. Now I knew there was something going on with him but I didn’t care. You know I stood up covered in bite marks from laying on the ground I told him I’d be right back and I went and told my kids dad that I wanted to go to rehab. That was the last time I saw him. I had to get away I was loosing myself. I had nothing left but what I was wearing and that man stripped me of everything. I had a house job car and a nice phone when I met him.

Why do we stay with our abuser why does he have something we want. I can’t believe the things I’ve done and allowed to be done to me. People like R Kelly and my ex need to be locked up. So they can’t prey on girls anymore 😕

My life

My brother is mad at me because my husband doesn’t want to take the kids trick or treating because of covid. We didn’t last year so its fine they are really small they won’t remember. So is that just me making excuses for my husband’s controlling behavior. I do not know how to deal with my husband and I wish it didn’t have to always be his way. I have a job now and I hope that I can change our lives because if I get told I can’t do this and don’t do that I’m gonna loose my fucking mind

Riddle Me This

He always right even when hes wrong. Their is not point arguing with him because even if you prove your right…he still thinks your the dumbass. Every decision that is made has to go through him. If you do anything that is out of the norm for him then your weird. There is no small talk conversation with him because he is just gonna take over the conversation and tell you how dumb you are. Or better yet he will gaslight you over and over and make you question your own thoughts. You have to walk on egg shells around him so he doesnt get mad. Make sure that the baby doesnt cry to much and he is not going to watch them so take them with you everywhere.

But he works right…he works all day so when he gets home I should of had everything clean and waiting for him. While he plays his game on his phone you will feed the kids, make dinner, clean up all the mess, do all the grocery shopping, bathe the kids, change diapers, make bottles, make sure to put gas in the car and buy him cigarettes because if you did not you will be getting up early in the moring to go to the store then. He cant be inconvienced by entering a store. Also, even though you have washed and folded all of his specific clothes and put them in his designated drawers. You will have to retrieve for him anyway because he cant be bothered with bending over and getting them hisself.

His mother said “well you need a father for your kids” guess thats good enough reason to keep him around. Imagine been the guy that only surrounds himself with people that he can control and every idea or anything he has something negative to say and acts like a child.

But you know I need a father for my kids

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