Hello My Name is Kash

This is my baby Kash he is 4 years old

Momma’s sweet boy Kash is almost 5 and still does not communicate very well. I am homeschooling him this year and also I have gotten him a tutor to come twice a week that I have already paid up 3 months because of the generous people whom have already donated. Words cannot express how greatful our family is to everyone who has supported me through this tough time our family has been having these last 2 years. So posted and pinned to the top as requested and I will continue to update everyone as he progresses. When you think all is lost with people in the world there is always that handful of people who through their simple act of kindness help change a childs life.

All and any donations go straight to Kash his life is most important right now thanks to all whom have already donated!

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These are my 3 kids at the same age

I cannot believe how similar they are. Thanks to everyone who has supported my children while we put or like back together ❤

#JusticeForGabby

Watching all this play out in the Gabby Petito case has me really reminissing on a relationship I used to have similar to that one. Not even 2 years ago… the pain and the manipulation is overwhelmimg. Then when you have the courage to say something no one believes you or “what did you do to make him treat you like that.?” Like no fucking way that is a thing. I have been around abuse my entire life and my real question is when does it stop? When is enough, enough. That guy Brian standing there saying that “she’s just crazy.” Right but leaving out the part he played in it.

This hits home for me almost every relationship I have been in has been like that. Even my father was like that. It just infuriates me honestly, how many times I tried to get out and how many times I was scared for my life. I can not even imagine the pain and fear she went through. Just makes me want to cry. I remember once my mom asked what happened to my leg and I lied and said I fell when really he had pushed me really hard and I almost broke my leg. But why am I covering for him? I can not explain my reasoning other than I was scared of him.

So I hope that what happened to Gabby is not in vain and I pray maybe someone who also is in an abusive relationship can have the courage to come forward. Also I pray that if and when they do come forward that they are heard. I spent the last year of my dad’s life caught up with this guy and I missed out on being with my dad. I can’t ever get that back.

All of the Sudden

I am full of tremendous grief. Honestly I dont know how I make it through some days. Almost 2 years sober I am more manic than ever my bipolar is really out of control. Some days, like yesterday I was so manic I couldn’t even eat. Then my jaw locks up and I cant even open my mouth. I think I just tend to be a negative person. I am trying real hard to find the positive in life, but I miss my daddy.

I have therapy today, but really I think I am bored of my therapist. I dont have anything new to talk about its all the same shit. I did get a job I am hoping that will help me feel better about my life and life choices.

Landslide by Stevie Nicks… my dad told me this song was about my life…

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm, mmm, mmm

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I’m getting older too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I’m getting older too
Oh, I’m getting older too

Awh, take my love, take it down
Awh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
Oh, the landslide bring it down

I am loosing myself

Short post

Busy today not really time to post. I am doing the custom keto diet. I will leave the link if anyone is interested. So fat I’ve enjoyed it and lost some weight so it’s working I guess. Having trouble with the husband plan to elaborate more about that tomorrow good night all!!

Here is the link for the custom keto diet I use if anyone is interested Click here

Picture for today

Had an Interview and Got The Job!!!

I had an Interview yesterday and I just found out that I got the job!! I am over the moon!! I’ve been waiting all this time to find out what is my career outside of restaurant manager and I finally think I found it. My daddy would be so proud of me. Thank you lord for blessing my family and I with this amazing opportunity!! 👏 👏😁😄

Reading Head Start has changed homeschooling for my kids!!

Click Here to Find Out More

I only promote products that I am truely passionate about and this is one of them!!

Reading head start has really boosted my cofidence in homeschooling. So I wanted to share it with anyone struggling teaching their children to read. It really has been a lifesaver. I highly recommend and well worth the money spent!

Use my link for this one time discounted offer trust me you wont regret it. Click here

Teach my child to read

First Post of Today

Homeschooling…

I am trying hard with my 4 year old he does not communicate very well so I was not comfortable sending him to public school. The state speach threapist came and said that he speaking was fine and what they call typical development. Which is good news. Popular myth: Parents think they are not qualified to teach their children: When in fact if you graduated high school or have some equivalent then you are totally qualified.

Marriage…

Maybe I should of changed that to my husband rather than marriage. Can two people that are completely opposite of each other be soul mates? Do opposites really attract? My husband and I have been together almost 12 years and I spent 10 on them doing drugs. He fortunately, is not an addict which is not a bad thing but it is hard for him to comprehend why I can’t “just not be depressed,” or “just say no I am not going to feel like that.” If it was only that easy. I don’t want to be depressed I didnt ask to have a mental illness. My parents were addicts and abusive. I didn’t get to learn how to cope properly and now I am trying to do it properly and I should just “flip the switch” so to speak. I have more to say, but have to go tend to the kids. Bye for now.

Only post for the day

Didn’t feel good today headache all day…reminds me of when I was a kid and I would get the most horrible headaches. From my trauma I’m sure. I really am liking this blog like an open journal.

I am homeschooling my 4 year old my first time to do that. I think every parent thinks they are not qualified to teach their child but I graduated college so I have to have something to offer. I have to do something meaningful with my life so I can stay sober

Picture for the day

Hopefully tomorrow is better 😌 🙏

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